I make a very cute pregnant woman...

...except that I am NOT pregnant!!!

Today I rushed on to a crowded subway and stood in an empty corner. A very nice gentleman got up and offered me his seat. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “my hair must really be looking good today”

I demurely declined the seat asking if he was getting off soon, he said “no, but please sit down” I accepted, feeling really beautiful but only as I sat down did it occur to me that he thought I was pregnant. My sense of elation quickly waned.

This was actually the second time today and the third time in two days, that someone asked if I was pregnant. And that is not counting all the people that are probably thinking it anyway, but a just not saying it.

Okay…I really think it’s time to take action and take it seriously, cos this is getting ridiculous. It was cute right after my second baby was born. Even when he was one year old. Even a couple of months ago, I still found it funny. But now, I am no longer amused.

Mainly because I myself think I look pregnant…I am gaining instead of losing weight and I am not liking the look or feel of my body at all.

I am quite happy about the challenge we started last week, because it got the ball rolling. I have not missed a day, I am starting to enjoy working out again and I am almost ready for the next challenge.(did I really say that??)

To help you get a clearer picture of what I am talking about, here are some pictures… “before” pictures.

I am my largest right now at 174lbs and you can totally see where I am carrying it. It is hard to believe that I almost had a six pack some years ago, or that I trained for a Marathon.

Well I may be older now, and my body and it’s workings may have changed or slowed a bit, but by George!!…I am going to get back in shape again!!!

I am not talking about 100lbs skinny or rippling muscles or any of that stuff. I just mean a healthy, good feeling, comfortable state of physical being. (we’ll talk more about other health matters later, for now let’s stick with weight loss)

So here’s what I found on yahoo the other day:

Lady Gaga's Personal Trainer's Five Point Fitness Plan 

Trainer Harley Pasternak started out as a Canadian hockey player and later became an exercise scientist for the Department of National Defense. While he was getting his PhD in exercise physiology, he cornered the market on training celebrities who were shooting in Toronto. Halle Berry asked him to come to California to get her in shape for "Catwoman," and his sabbatical turned into a fitness empire. Pasternaks client list includes Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Jennifer Hudson, and Amanda Seyfried, as well as "Twilight's" Ashley Greene and Robert Pattinson. His specialty is effective, efficient regimens that can be done by busy people with little time or space, i.e. movie stars on location as well as busy new moms. I spoke to Harley about his top five tips for getting your best possible body.

1. Eat five meals a day. "You're never hungry. You're eating because it's time to eat, not because you have to eat. So you have more control over what you eat and how much you eat. From a metabolism perspective it's like a windmill. Small gusts of wind throughout the day keep the windmill constantly spinning. It's a more effective machine."

2. "Every meal takes five minutes of prep time. We looked at all the reasons people don't take their motivation into action. You don't need to be a gourmet chef. My recipes take five minutes to make. They're five ingredients or less and you dont have to starve yourself."

3. Every meal must contain five key ingredients. "Protein, fiber, healthy carbs, a healthy fat and a sugar-free beverage. For snacks we have three new flavors of 5 Factor snack bars now. I was frustrated after years of clients bringing me these meal bars. Id look at the nutritional profile and 'low carb' is really not, because its full of sugar alcohols, or high protein is really full of fats and sugar. We hit a home run with these bars."

4. Enjoy one free day each week guilt free. "Enough said."

5. Exercise five times a week for 25 minutes. "Short, intense workouts get results. You dont need the 'kitchen sink' approach where you spend all day at the gym, do tons of different exercises, and use all kinds of weird supplements. Try a simple, doable program that keeps changing and can be done anywhere. There's a big misconception that celebrities have better genetics or that money makes a difference when it comes to getting in great shape. The programs I give people in my books and online are the same as the ones people pay a lot of money for me to hold their hand and do."

The 5-Factor system, including recipes and a shopping list -- the "tool kit" for Harleys exercise and eating program -- can be found at http://5factor.com/

Hey, it sounds so simple! And we are already doing the 20 minute daily work out! Just up it to 25 minutes, eat healthy FIVE times a day and best of all, enjoy one guilt free day per week…that sounds like something we could implement this week.

And maybe a few more crunches…cos Lady Gaga’s abs are the BOMB!!! 

Let’s get Loud!!!

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

It’s a glorious wet morning after a storm on this awesome Memorial Day!

Was up before everyone and went out for my 20 minute brisk walk. It turned out to be 26 minutes.

The weather was perfect for it. And I got the perfect inspiration from the Radio Station I was listening to. They played Jennifer Lopez “Let’s get Loud”

Not only is that a perfect workout song, but it also is a perfect song for what this blog stands for. Just in case you had never really listened to the lyrics, here are some of the ones that stood out to me today:

If you wanna live your life
Live it all the way and don't you waste it Every feelin' every beat
Can be so very sweet you gotta taste it You gotta do it, you gotta do it your way
You gotta prove it
You gotta mean what you say

Life is meant to be big fun You're not hurtin' anyone
Nobody loses
Let the music make you free
Be what you wanna be
Make no excuses

Let’s get loud!!!!

It’s Memorial Day! Go out and have fun, but keep a moment to give a heartfelt thought

to our armed forces and all the families that have sacrificed so dearly for the love of country.

God Bless You!

A Spoon Full of Sugar

I am on day 4 of my blog and day 3 of the workout challenge, and already I have had to re-read my blog post to re-motivate myself. Already I am ready to throw in the towel.

 Woke up this morning ready to be the first person at the Nail Salon as planned. I went down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the kids, but once in the kitchen, all my motivation left me. I did not want to do anything. I shared the situation with a friend and she texted me back: “getting down is inevitable, getting up is mandatory! 1 workout, 1 post at a time.”

I got up and got to work making breakfast and rushed out the house to be the first person at the Salon.

After being pampered at the Nail Salon, I actually lost all motivation again. I just wanted to forget about everything I had committed to doing. I felt moody and glum.

But when I got home, I drowned out the voices, put on my sneakers and before I could change my mind, I went for a brisk 20 minute walk.

Nothing like a good endorphin release into the blood stream!!! I felt great! And I felt accomplished since I had done what I said I would do….but it did not take even 10 minutes of arriving home before the negativity kicked in again. “now I have to get inspired to write” I thought to myself, “I know I want to be honest with the readers, but nobody wants to read my whining stories of non-success”

Saddened, I stepped into the shower, and turned on the warm water.

Instantly I was in Heaven. 



The shower has got to be THE best invention EVER!!!

I LOOOOVE taking a shower. The feel of the water running down my skin is so relaxing and joy inspiring, I could spend my entire day in there.

Then to lather up with a loofah and a yummy body wash is absolute BLISS and then the feeling of the lather being rinsed off by the running water…uh…words cannot express my delight!

Toweling myself dry in the bedroom, a familiar Mary Poppins tune came on the Stage and Screen music channel “a spoon full of sugar”. And there is the inspiration for my blog post today!!!

Sticking with it is HARD. Don’t let anyone try to tell you it is easy to get what you want. You need to work at it and it does not happen in a day. It takes time. And in all that time, you have to keep on keeping on. Keep on working at it. Keep on sticking to it in spite of your mood, the weather or any other great excuse you can come up with. The only way you can lose is if you quit.

But it IS hard and there will be days when your excuses will make all the sense in the world.

On those days, think of Mary Poppins “…a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down, in the most delightful way…”

My spoon full of sugar today was my shower. It made everything worth it and I felt awesome.

Your spoon full of sugar could be your favorite music on your MP3 as you work out, or wearing something you like, or doing something for yourself as a reward after you have accomplished your goal.

So now that my Medicine has gone down in a delightful way, I am off to Chuck E. Cheese for a kiddie birthday bash.



The List

Oh I am so proud of me!!!

I stuck with my challenge. I did my 20 minutes workout and here is my post for today...I wrote FOUR pages!

I think I deserve a good night's sleep. Bon Nuit!

_________________________________________________________________________________

THE LIST

Ok, time to identify some things to work on in order to start “Living my Best Life”

I have come up with FOUR really huge items, so even though the number is small, it will be no small feat to implement them. They are arranged in the order in which I will implement them….not that each will be completed to perfection before the next starts.

Here we go:

1 -  Commit! Commit to stick to it.

Whatever it takes to succeed at living my best life, No Matter What!!!

We have already talked about commitment a bit. But just to reiterate and borrowing from Lisa Nichols of The Secret movie fame, you must have a mind set of doing whatever it takes to get to where you want to be No Matter What!!! You need the No Matter What because there are sure to be countless obstacles and distractions along the way…but keep your eyes on the prize and get it No Matter What!!!

I have a “No Matter What” bracelet that I wear. It was from some other challenge I dropped out of earlier in the year, but it will serve a good purpose now as a reminder to myself that this is not a game. This is serious. I have children that will follow my example one day…and how awful if they were to follow the example of an unhappy, unhealthy loser???

I am breaking out of this self destructive cycle – No Matter What!!!!

2 – Feel good about myself

This is a very serious item. It has been a looooong time since I could with pleasure and conviction say that I feel good about myself.

A long time ago, I felt that there was so much I was going to do. I felt I had so much to give. I looked and felt good. I treated myself well.

That is not to say that under it all, there were no problems…I always had a touch of depression that I carried with me from childhood, but overall, I was in a good place mentally and emotionally.

Things have changed a lot. My life has become quite an unhealthy one. More junk food, more stress, more work, more demands, less exercise, less time for self, less treats, less sanity.

I feel and look frumpy. And because I feel this way…I don’t bother to make an effort to make it any different. It’s a Catch 22. My hair is usually a mess, I haven’t gone clothes shopping since I bought a dress to wear for the Oprah OWN talk show auditions (that was last June) and I sometimes wear my old maternity clothes because I have put on too much weight to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes.

If anyone needed an Oprah Makeover…I do!

And even with all the work that I know I do well and the obligations that I meet without fail, I often feel like I am incompetent and unworthy.

Needless to say, these feelings begin to manifest in my life.

And even more needless to say….this has to stop!!!

I AM worthy at least of a trip to the hair and nail salon. I deserve to look halfway decent when I go to work. My son should not have to be embarrassed when his mom comes to pick him up from school – luckily he is still too young to notice. Phew! My life partner should not have to look past what I have become to still feel attracted to me – For some odd reason, even though he is in full support of me losing weight and getting more healthy…he still seems to love me and enjoy my company. Phew…Thank God!

So here are some actions I am taking in order to begin feeling a little better about myself:

A.      As you already know, I have teamed up with my good friend to work on and stick to a weight loss plan that will include healthy eating habits, food journaling and a consistent work out regiment – Nothing boosts your self esteem like a good work out.

B.      I am right now, typing this post under the hair dryer. Yes, I went to the Hair Salon and am getting my hair relaxed, cut and styled (that is a whole other topic that we can address at a later time). Tomorrow I will be the first person in the Nail Salon to get a manicure and pedicure – whew…much needed. So the point of number 2 is I am going to take the time and make the effort to ‘spruce up’ myself.  I deserve that.

C.      Give Thanks With a Grateful Heart! Remember the gratitude journal? Every day I will count my blessings. Even when I am in a hurry, rushing down the street or in a stressful situation at work, I will find something to give thanks for.

D.      I will stop being mean to and hard on myself. Negative self chatter must no longer be internalized. When the voices come, Shut them up!!! Turn from them!!! “get thee behind me”!!! or simply respond to them with Praise!!!

I am certain that this will somehow feed into the next one…

3 – Be a PRESENT mother

And by that I don’t mean, being an over possessive, don’t-give-the-kids-a-chance-to-breathe mom. But I mean to actually BE in the moment when I am with my children. To be PRESENT with them. To LISTEN to them in the here and now, and to LOVE them in word, thought and action.

A look back at a recent Oprah show in which Toni Morrison spoke about a time when she gave her young son a half hearted response to a drawing he’d shown her. Even though her words said it was a nice drawing, her being was not in it. He sensed that, interpreted it as her not approving of his drawing, and promptly tore it up.

The awesome (in my humble opinion) Ms. Morrison also said that you should light up when your child enters the room.

Here’s my truth: I pick up my older son from school on my way home from work. I was rushing to get there on time, so I am just relieved that I made it. I make every effort to be appropriately polite to the teacher and I rush my son home, thinking all the way of what still needs to be accomplished before the day is done. I get home and my younger son and my partner welcome me. I barely get a smile out as I see the older one wearing his shoes on the rug as he runs to the bathroom or the younger one spilling his juice in his excitement. Yes, I feign excitement. Of course I AM happy to see them and I love them dearly….but I am not HERE!!!

At weekends I try my best to do fun things and expose them to all the wonders of the world around them, but my mind is already back at the office or in some other fretful curve ball life has thrown my way.

I make sure they learn a lot, I make sure they go to a good school, I make sure they are clean and healthy, but just about every night, I am over come with guilt, because I feel like I wasn’t there in the moment they needed me.

I remember another Oprah guest: Michael J. Fox saying that Parkinson’s disease had made him appreciate his family so much more. He said there is never a TV show or situation more important than one of his kids coming to him about anything.

Every time I say “just a minute…” to my kids as I am watching TV, I think of that.

So this is a big one for me – to be a PRESENT mom.

4 – Break out of the Corporate Trap!!!

It was hard to decide if this step should have come first. So many of my problems have their root in my job. But I think it is right to be the last step on my this my first list, because all the other items I can start right away, but leaving my job is something that takes a little planning and some notice.

I work in a Fortune 500 company and though it is listed as one of the best companies to work for and one of the very best for moms…and this is actually true…but it still lends to insensitive corporate culture and to the ultimate importance of the bottom line.

A company where it once felt like everyone was family now has everyone on high alert wondering if today it will be their turn to be sent home. No longer are people committed to the well-being of the company and the customers, everyone’s attitude has been reduced to “ I just work here””hey, I’m just happy I have a job”

That is life???

This is what we get up every morning for???

I see it as cold blooded murder!

Killing peoples’ spirits! A little more every day! And we are so desperate for the paycheck, we accept it!

Well, my Spirit is on the verge of death. Not only am I in a J-O-B that does not appreciate me, but I haven’t a lick of passion for what I do or whom I do it for.

It was not my plan to stay too long, but after my children were born, felt I had to stay put for security reasons. But what security???

As Oprah so rightly reminded us in her farewell show – it’s all about the passion. Not talking about being rich. Not talking about being famous, but talking about plain old “joie de vivre”

The joy of living!

Do we even remember what that is? Or how it feels?

They say when you love what you do, you never work a day in your life.

I have worked enough! Now I want passion!!!

And the first step, against all odds and against all conventional wisdom in this economy, is to just quit.

Latest date to give my notice is July 31^st, 2011.

I have threatened to do it so often, no one even takes me seriously anymore. It’s just like Oprah ending the show. And this time it was real….and this time for me…it will be real!

Commitment

May 27, 2011 - Morning

Let’s talk about that dreaded 'C' word.

I am without a doubt to some degree a commitment-phobe.

Not necessarily in relationships though, because in that area, I am the exact opposite. I stick in relationships I shouldn’t be in, I take whatever abuse is meted out, I stay in jobs that drain instead of build me, but hey…that’s commitment! And you can always count on Susan!!!

But now...

Tell me I need to wake up early to go jogging...

Tell me I need to write at least 3 pages everyday...

Tell me I need to give up certain foods..even in the interest of my health,

Tell me I need to commit to being in a certain place at a certain time regularly (and I am not talking about going to work, or watching my favorite TV show)...

… suddenly I am out!

Before I even begin, I am convinced that I can’t!

And so even without trying….I just don’t!

Sometimes I do start, but with the first sign of doubt or discouragement, I give up.

This is a danger especially common with blogging…now just on my third day.

Last night I settled down to write a blog post when my young son, Seabass interfered.

I lay down next to him to encourage him to sleep and lo and behold – I fell asleep myself!!!

I woke up at 2:30am, tucked him in and went to bed.

I was angry. I missed a blog day! and at once the voices in my head began to put in their two cents…

“you can always miss a day…”

“it’s not like anyone would even notice…”

“no one is even reading your blog yet…”

“I told you this blogging thing is not a good idea…it’s too hard….too this…too that…”

And so on and so forth…

Now if you hear these voices on one day and you still continue inspite of them on the next, good for you!

But my story in the past has been that on day 2, 3, 4 and on thereafter, I myself am repeating what the voices said and soon enough I am closing the account and I lament “I knew this couldn’t work!”

Ok, but this is a different blog.

This blog is  a journey. A journey I must take if I wish to thrive.

I wish to thrive!

And so I here again, make a commitment to this blog.

And I am declaring my victory over commitment-phobia!

If I know I am not going to do it – I won’t even say ‘Maybe’ – I’ll say No!

And if I say I am going to do it – by George (whoever he may be)!!! I AM going to do it!!!

My post last night was going to be about putting together the list to work through.

Well I think it is appropriate that circumstances have made it such that I am addressing commitment today, because without it…I will not make it down that list.

So I think it is only right that the first thing on my list is this…

Commit!...and Stick with it!!!!!

May 27, 2011 – Evening

So a lot has happened today.

A good friend of mine who also has started a very motivational blog called today and we got talking about the commitment issue. Commitment to our writing, and commitment to our weight loss and exercise.

So we have come up with a plan to help each other out.

The tried and true method of TEAMWORK!!!!

Having work out or writing buddy means you have more than just those crazy voices in your head to be accountable to. And it works!!!! Remember Oprah and Bob Greene??

Here is our challenge for this week, a good way to get started:

-          Write every day for the next seven days. A whole lot or just a page, a line, a paragraph, even a word….as long as you are writing each day.

-          Do at least 20 minutes of movement everyday for seven days. Running, walking, pushups, weights, swimming…whatever…just make sure you are moving for at least 20 minutes straight.

My Goodness!, that is the easiest challenge in the world!!!

It is not going to produce a best-selling novel or chiseled abs, but it is a commitment to the beginning of sticking with it.

Our journey officially begins! Feel free to join in!!!

Wow! The last show!

I truly thought I would be bawling through the whole show. But I wasn't.
Instead I was listening attentively to every word. (as much as the kids would allow)
It was a wonderful, honest and all encompassing finale that totally did the show and everyone associated with it, justice and proud!!!

I will need to re-watch it a time or more to be able to talk more on all that was addressed.

But just for starters....It was an awesome farewell!

I just cant believe I'll have nothing to rush home from work for now. (family not included of course)

And then I watched the season finale of American Idol. Congrats Scottie. I voted about 20 times last night.

Now I really will have nothing to watch.

Hey, that means more time to do what I am supposed to be doing.....figuring out my passion and being about the business of living it as Oprah said today. :-)

Good Night for now

The Oprah Winfrey Show Finale - Wednesday May 25, 2011

Wednesday May 25, 2011

This is dedicated to all the Oprah Show ‘ultimate viewers’ who like me, never got to be on the show, never got to take a trip with Oprah, never got a favorite thing or a surprise under our seats, never got to meet or even see Oprah in person.

To a great extent, I blame myself. Who’s to say that I might not have been on the show??

I never wrote in, never bought a ticket to Chicago, never sent an email about myself or what affects the show had on me. I will always regret that. I could give a myriad of reasons why and they would all be excuses.

I never wrote in because I thought there were so many people more needy than me, with better stories than me. I thought that there would be sooooo many other letters and that they probably don’t read all of them and mine would certainly go unread. Such would be my luck.

I had written letters to people I admired before and never got a response. This usually left me feeling childishly foolish, and I was not convinced that this would be any different.

But now, that we approach the final hour of the Oprah Winfrey show, I regret not writing.

I have been moved, touched and inspired by so much of the show over the years.  Watching the show always made me feel that my life could be that much better. I was inspired to dream and to believe the dreams could come true. But I was missing one ingredient…action!!

I never took action!

And so, the dreams have remained dreams and the dream of actually being on the Oprah Show is gone now…for good.

In the two day farewell show at the Chicago United Center, there were highlights of people who had been inspired to take action to make a change. And they did!

And with all the great ideas I have had to make changes and to help others in need, I have done nothing!

What was I waiting for?

What more inspiration was I hoping to get?

Instead, as years have gone by, I have sunk deeper into misery and dissatisfaction and these ‘buddies’ of mine take ever more of my energy and attention for themselves and leave less and less for my community, my family or even myself.

And every day I would try to get a little refill from the Oprah Show. I would wipe away the tears that would trickle down my cheeks as I admired others succeeding at doing something while I was still just watching.

Enough!

No more!

The ultimate tribute to Oprah and the 25 years she dedicated to the show and to her audience would be to live what she taught. After all, just because the show is no longer on the air, doesn’t mean that all we have learnt is no more valid.

So here and now I do declare: that I will make a change NOW. A change in myself, in my life, in my community, in the world. Now!

I will start small (since I usually overwhelm myself out of doing anything), I will make a list and I will work my way down the list. And I will not stop.

As sad as I am that the show is going off the air, I think that the after effects of the show are yet to be felt. The show was like a seed in my life.  As long as it was on, it was nice to have around and look at but only now that it is “dying”, it is being planted and it can sprout and grow into its fullest manifestation.

It is an end.

But it is a beginning.

I thank Oprah.

And I welcome anyone who would like to join me on the journey that will begin today when the lights in the Studio of the Oprah Winfrey Show in Chicago, Illinois go out for the last time.

Excuse me while I go cry a little J