New York, New York!! The Dream is Dead…or is it?

The other day I had to go to my bank which is located in Times Square. 

Times Square, NYC

I left work early, took the subway across town and came out on Broadway at 41^st. It was the first really warm day we had this Spring so it felt really good being outside. I strolled leisurely, taking in all the sights, the tourists, the lights, the food carts, stores opening and closing, the police, TKTS, the traffic, the construction. 

The former Paramount Theatre - Now the Hard Rock Cafe

I even stopped in front of ABC studios to get the latest news headlines from the scrolling news feed and then proceeded on to take care of business.

At the bank, as often happens, I overheard two actresses talking about work, agents, theatre and such. As I waited to be attended to, I watched and listened to one of them and I began to feel the stirring emotions inside me. She looked every bit like the stereo typical actor – young, full of hopes and dreams, smooth untainted skin, hair accentuated with a weave to produce a wild seductive mane. Large sunglasses propped on the top of it to keep it from falling into her face. And a voice that, in very sing song high pitched words said “I want to do television so bad”

I looked down at my hands as I fiddled with my thumbs the way my grandmother used to do, and I identified the feeling that was welling up inside me.

I was sad. 

I used to be that girl. I too wanted to be in television. One acting coach told me if that if I wanted television, I needed to be in L.A. But I loved New York and I loved theatre, so it did not matter what she said. I was going to make it here. 

Make it? 

If that’s what you call it. I am sitting here…not an actress, but an administrative assistant. And I am sitting here, because I lost my check book and so cannot pay school fees for one of my sons. A fee that once paid, will leave me yearning for my next pay check. 

I am not wearing a mane of hair, have no sun glasses and am wearing Crocs boots that have seen me through 4 winters. 

No, this was not my idea of coming to NY and making it.

Done at the bank, I had some time to spare before picking my son up from school. So I figured I’d take my time heading back to the subway and be a tourist for a while. Back on the street level, I ventured into the Times Square Museum and Visitor Center. 

At the entrance, you are greeted with a display of the actual costumes of some of Broadways memorable characters out of Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals. I guess it would be important to mention here that he is one of my favorite contemporary composers. And if I got to play one of his pieces, I would love to play Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard. I have been playing her since I first heard the cast recording by Glenn Close and then as a brand new New Yorker, I got to see Elaine Paige play her on Broadway…Elaine Paige, whom I have loved since I was a young teenager... another dream had come true….but the ultimate dream would be to play that part…not at home, not in voice class, not in the shower or the car, but on stage.

Costumes from Sunset Boulevard, Joseph's Technicolor Dream Coat and Jesus Christ Superstar 

"Grizabella" the Glamour Cat from Cats

Eva Peron at the Casa Rosada in Evita

 

"Norma Desmond" from Sunset Boulevard

Anyway, back to the Visitor Center! There, you can see the actual New Year’s Eve Ball from 2007 which simulates the countdown in intervals, there is a “New Year's Eve Wishing Wall" which has thousands of post it notes of wishes people have made at new year’s or for the new year. 

  

The New Year's Eve Wishing Wall - You can still add your hopes and dreams for next year!

There are actual peepshow booths that made Times Square notorious back in the day.

You can go in and watch a show...although it's not x-rated

The original Peep Machine

And there is a film news reel showing the history of Times Square which you can sit and watch. And there are friendly people who answer any question you may have about what to see and do in New York.

It was a wonderful feeling being in there. It made me feel like I felt when I first arrived in New York some 17 years ago. I had fallen in love with New York long before that, but actually getting here and actually walking the streets of New York was a most amazing dream come true to me. 

I was in awe of everything. 

It was exactly as I had imagined it, exactly what I wanted and exactly where I wanted to be. When my father heard of my decision not to return home to Nigeria, he said I had been blinded by the bright lights of this city. He was right! But what he didn't know is that being here was just the inevitable manifestation of my childhood fantasy which he himself actually helped create when he brought me a book about NY from one of his frequent business trips to the States.

I walked back to the subway, hurting and exhilarated at the same time. 

I still love New York,

I still feel the dream. 

But when I look at my life I don’t see the dream…is it gone? 

Is the dream dead? 

Or can it live again?

I am here in the city that I love, but I am not thriving. 

This was not the dream.

Can I actually experience New York the way I really wanted to all those years ago? A young girl in love with movies singing along with Liza Minnelli….